Mommying. And Rainbows.

I don't know if you've noticed, but it's almost Mother's Day. I thought maybe for fun, I'd tell you how I got started in this biz, since it's even in my blog name.

Mother's Day is tough for a lot of people. People who had a rotten mother. Women who've lost a child. People whose mom has passed away, especially recently. Women who've had an abortion. Women who've given their baby up. Women who can't conceive.

In 2002, I think I was just starting fertility drugs around Mother's Day. I've been blessed to find myself in churches that recognize all the women on Mother's Day, for the role they play. But it was still hard to see all the proud mommies, and not be sure if I'd be one of them some day.

I was on my way to a Sara Groves concert that summer when I saw a rainbow. I knew it was for me. It was God's promise to me. I'd be a proud mommy someday. I got pregnant in July. I lost the baby the first week in August. That rainbow carried me.

I only waited a month til I started the treatments again. Soon I was pregnant with Ella. We decided not to find out if it was a boy or girl. We never really settled on a boy name, and I had a hunch it was because we didn't need it. I'd wanted a Natalie my whole life. For some reason, this wasn't her. Around 6 months, we decided she was an Ella. In June of 2003, she was born, perfect in every way (except for having broken her collarbone during delivery - sorry kid!).

The next year I was excited to learn I didn't need fertility treatments anymore - because, hey! Guess who was pregnant? 8 weeks pregnant, actually. This time we found out it was a girl, and she was Natalie from that day on. She was born in April, 22 months after her sister.

And now, Bun #3 is cooking away. After a few years of telling everyone we were done (sometimes people change their minds). My ultrasound is next week, and we still haven't decided if we'll find out boy or girl. We have zero direction on names (no matter how many times Captain America says "Baby Otis"). I feel like we're kind of winging it with this one, but I kind of like it too. I'm hoping I've mellowed a little. Maybe I won't have to split this one's Cheerios in half, for fear of choking. And with every little nudge, I fall a little more in love with the New One.

About a year ago, Ella got a Webkin. She was off with Grandma when they picked her password. Guess what word was in it? Rainbow. Which is especially funny, because rainbows have never been a big deal here. It's not like I gave them rainbow-themed nurseries (the girls had "place for you to sleep & keep your stuff" themes). I'm not sure I've ever mentioned that rainbow to anyone.

So there you have it. How I became Mommy. Who logues.