Motherhood...is hard...

It's almost Mother's Day. Duh. Seems to be the topic of conversation, and as if Hallmark would let us forget it. And Target for that matter.

So I've been thinking mommy thoughts. Because I'm a mom. And a pregnant one at that. The other day I saw Jennifer Lopez on Ellen's show. Ellen asked her about being a mom of 2 yr old twins, and what she thought was the most surprising part. Jennifer answered "the guilt." I have to say, I'm totally with her on that one. The rest of it you kind of expect or hear about, but the guilt sort of blindsided me.

After I had Ella I went back to work. Granted, I was working for my dad in a family-friendly office structure and my mom was taking care of Ella. So I had it pretty good. If Ella needed something, it was pretty easy to sneak out quickly to tend to it. I often had my lunch there so I could see her. Still, when I left her for her first day of Grandmacare, I cried. I was abandoning my child. My mom would see all the firsts, and I would miss them. My mom would introduce the firsts that I wasn't ready for her to have yet. *ahem* MOM. (my favorite? Ella was around 1. "Do you know any little girls who REALLY like Hot Tamales?" Um, I don't know any little girls that I want to EAT Hot Tamales. Thank you. MOM. {hey, Mom!})

After I finally got used to leaving every day, Natalie was born. For a few months I went back to work, but it just wasn't working out (a lot of other things had changed too). So we decided I'd stay home for a bit, and try working from home. Now I was home all the time. And sometimes I wanted to leave. Alone. And you know what? I FELT GUILTY.

I think it's just part of the territory. I'm sure moms always feel like you could do a better job with your kids. I must be doing alright, in any case. They've declared me the #1 Snuggler.


Jessica said...

Oh my goodness, I am TOTALLY with you on this. I deal with a ton of guilt. I guess I just can't win.

Marylisa said...

I'm sorry. Your title isn't loud enough. HA!