The One with the Random Train of Thoughts

So even though it's been gone more than 5 years, Captain America and I still quote Friends. A lot. Remember how all the episode names were "The One With..." Ok. Maybe it's sad. But it still brings me joy.

I put my hair in a messy bun today. I think it's the first time I've ever done that, because I think this is the longest my hair has been. Ever. My hair does not grow quickly. I think I started growing it out after Natalie was born. Not Zoey. Natalie. Natalie, who is 5 1/2.

Taking a shower without washing my hair feels weird. Along with growing ever so slowly, I have the kind of hair that really needs to be washed daily. Otherwise, ew. But on days when I'm getting a haircut I don't wash it. It just makes the shower strange. Colder, somehow.

Sometimes I watch Glee on Hulu. I'm not enough of a fan to tivo it, but eventually I catch most of the episodes. Every once and a while I fastforward through the musical numbers. Is that some kind of Glee sacrilege? It's just that I can only handle so much Journey and whathaveyou.

The other day Ella got upset because she doesn't get to go to the afterschool daycare program. You know. Because she has ME. In my heart I know it's because they go sledding and have snacks and make crafts and her friend goes. But I still gave her a small "You're lucky I'm home to be with you" speech which was totally lost on her. Much like the speech we gave the little ingrates last night about the kids without enough food who would be happy to eat their Spaghettios. And the one I gave Natalie about the kids without warm pajamas who wouldn't care that they don't match. Or the one I gave Zoey about the babies who don't have nice beds to sleep in, who wouldn't wake their mothers up in the middle of the night. Ok, not that last one.

We blew Santa out of the water the other day. I'm glad we did. Ella was mostly upset because she says she wants us to always tell her the truth. We talked about how Santa was a very good man, and very generous, and now it's a fun tradition. It was time. As Captain America described it, he'd gone from a jolly old man who gives gifts to the rich uncle who gets you whatever you want. "I'm not sure we can get you that for Christmas" was met with "Then I'll just ask Santa for it," with a bit of a pre-teen edge in the tone. On the one hand, I'll miss him. On the other, I'm glad to give up the game and help them understand why things like Toys for Tots are so important. I just feel like the focus was so much on the getting, and now maybe we can work on the giving.

Thankful

It is certainly a year to give thanks. Not that they aren't all years to give thanks. But the thanks come very easily this year.

We headed back to see all the family for Thanksgiving. It was just like I imagine it was in days of yore. Loading up the extended minivan with many suitcases and a pack & play. Making sure the DVDs were stocked. Over the river. Through the woods.

We had a great trip, and little Zoey proved to be a very flexible traveler, much to our delight. While I hole up in my laundry room, please enjoy the story of Grandpa Ron, our own holiday Chilean miner miracle, over at my sister's blog.

What day is it?

Oh my goodness! Zoey only got up once last night, and for how it's been that was as good as sleeping through the night to me. I know it may not happen again for months, but now there's a little hope. And I know there are mommies out there who stay up all night listening to the screaming colicky baby, so I can't complain about Zoey's sleeping habits REALLY. She just likes to visit and snuggle in the night.

Perhaps it was the exhaustion of a doctor's appointment complete with shots? I know I felt exhausted after that. I made sure to point out to Zoey that there were two nurses in there doing the dirty work, and this was not Mommy that was stabbing her in the legs. She was not happy. I saw her first big tears. And she was left cranky for the rest of the day.

I was thrilled, though. After a rough start to weight gain, Zoey now weighed 10 lbs. 1 oz at her 2 month check up.

Which seems as good a transition as any into a little thankful list. As far as I'm concerned, this is the best Thanksgiving ever, and it's not even here yet. I am over the moon thankful for these overall life things:

• A healthy baby and her chubby baby legs.
• A sweet spirited 5 yr old.
• A really caring 7 yr old.
  
• My husband who still cracks me up 14 years later, and is a fantastic daddy.
• My family, who still manages to be there for me even though they're 5 hours away.
• A warm home and all its amenities.
• Great friends that understand me.
• My job, and understanding customers.
• My church.

Today I'm thankful for:

• A new tea to try.
• Christmas music (shhhh - my girls will tell me it's too early - Captain America has been training them!).
• A large capacity washer.
• Working from home (in sweatshirts & slippers).
• My new cranberry/clove/orange candle.
• No snow on the ground.
• Warm enough temps that I haven't pulled out more than a fleece yet.
• Everything. I feel like I slept so much last night I want to dance and sing.
  

Desperate Mommy

So I watch Desperate Housewives. I'm not proud.

You'll have to forgive this re-telling, because I feel like I haven't slept in days and it's really hampering my ability to be coherent.

A couple of weeks ago one of the wives, Lynette, was having a tough time keeping up with all her children. She has a new baby. Her 11 yr old daughter, Penny, offered to watch the baby so she could shower or nap or something. The baby loved Penny. Penny was like a Baby Whisperer. She loved taking care of her little sister. Everyone was happy. Especially Lynette. So Lynette started going for a jog, or visiting a neighbor while Penny babysat. Hooray!

Then Lynette stopped by a neighbor's house for a minute and got wrapped up in something or another. She didn't make it back home before Penny had to get on the bus for school, and Penny had a big math test. So she ran in yelling that she'd give her a ride. Only neither Penny nor the baby were anywhere to be found. Penny had taken the baby on the bus and gone to school. Lynette goes to pick her up, getting the stink eye from every school office employee around. The principal tells her Penny's been falling asleep in class, because she's been getting up in the middle of the night to give the baby a bottle so her mom could sleep. Lynette had no idea.

So Lynette talks to Penny about it. Turns out Penny noticed that when she helped take care of the baby, it made for a very happy mommy. Lynette wasn't as cranky. She played games with the other kids. Penny liked that.

I don't have to tell you I totally teared up when I watched that. Even if it was Desperate Housewives. It struck a chord. Hit a nerve. Whatever. NEW MOMMY HORMONES!

Today when I picked Ella & Natalie up from school I told them I'd really need good listening today, because Zoey had been up much of the night and hadn't let me nap today. So they had one tired mama. Natalie (5) said, "Mama? We can watch Zoey while you rest! We'll take care of her! We can do that - can't we, Ella?" To which Ella (7 - so very 7) said, "Well...I want to play with my gak I made today." Yeah, I see how it is. I told Natalie that was awfully sweet of her, and thank you so much, but Zoey would be up soon to eat. "I can give her the bottle that's in the fridge!" Be still my heart, you lovely, lovely child.

Thank goodness I had learned my Desperate lesson via Lynette. I mean, Lynette scored a nanny out of the deal (which ended up being her senile mother-in-law, although that's beside the point). I'm guessing that's not where my story would be going. So I'll just be very thankful for a sweet and helpful child, and try to keep her that way.

Mommybrain and Third Child Syndrome

I have serious Mommybrain. There was the day I forgot to pick up the girls on a half day of school. There was the day where I went into school to write a lunch check and would have walked out without my checkbook, had a friend not been standing next to me and reminded me. Later that day I went to Walgreens with all 3 girls, and nearly walked out without my purchases until the cashier stopped me.

Other than that, I just can't focus. It's the culprit of my lack of blogging. When I have my few moments to write something, I'm blank. I've forgotten to do some of my jobs. If a customer asks for files over the phone, I can nearly guarantee I won't remember to send them.

Meanwhile, this poor third child. She has to be much more flexible than the other two were. I've found I'm able to tune out the fussing a lot of the time. So Captain America often has to wake me up to go feed her. Just now, I had Zoey under an activity gym staring at the toys she can't reach. She started fussing. Natalie said to me, "Mom? Can you give her the nuk? I'm busy right now." Oh. Right.

I blame the lack of sleep. For all of it. Zoey's a decent sleeper, it's just that her day/night is a little shifted. Day seems to start around noon, and end around midnight. We're working on that. Well, Captain America is working on it. I'm too tired.

All the baby-ness

Oh my word but it is a delight to have this child on the outside. I know they're not all that fun at first, but I do enjoy cuddling a squishy baby. I'm enjoying her immobility as well, since I know it will be short-lived.

I'm also loving the age gap. Ella & Natalie are somewhat self-sufficient, and they're great helpers. Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy Ella & Natalie are close in age to each other. But it's making babyhood much more fun than when I also had a diaper-wearing toddler running around. It's been so fun to watch them love on their little sister. I'm sure there will be days when the novelty wears off, but for now we're still all head over heels for her.

We're sort of settling into a bit of a routine, and Zoey has proven to be fairly flexible in that respect. The whole SuperMom thing is a little overwhelming, but I'm accepting that I can't get it all done right now. There's a baby, two school-agers who need to be transported, housekeeping, cooking, and plenty of work to do. I'm inclined to let the housekeeping & cooking go, since that's an easy place for Captain America to pick up slack (and there's always pizza or McDonald's). And let me tell you, he steps up his game. Every time Zoey's up at night, he gets up first to change her diaper. He also spearheads the clean up movement on Saturdays, after making sure I can sleep in.

So the routine is evolving. Zoey's gathering nicknames (not from me): Zo-Zo, Zoester, Lil Z. We're getting used to our new normal. And as it was with the other two, it's hard to imagine Zoey hasn't always been a part of our lives.

Obligatory labor story

I'm sure you've just been sitting there on pins & needles waiting for the labor story. The wait is over!

You may remember I've had a plethora of due dates. I'm exaggerating, but I like the word "plethora." They were Sept. 25, Oct. 7, and Oct. 2. The ultrasound techs liked Oct. 2 in the end, but my doctor and I had a Sept. 25 hunch. You know who doesn't care about due dates? Babies.

You may also remember I've been petrified of going into labor, and of random water breakage. I was so paranoid that I bought a waterproof liner for my side of the bed. I was convinced my water was going to break in the middle of the night while I was sleeping. But then I realized the chances of that were probably pretty slim. And I was right. Kind of. It broke at 6 a.m. while I was sleeping, on Sept. 14. At first I wasn't even convinced that it was really my water breaking, because I wasn't having contractions in any remotely frequent or regular manner. Then I thought if it wasn't the water, I wanted my money back on the pregnancy thing because all of the sudden I had the worst bladder control ever.

Captain America ran off to work to wrap some things up. I took the girls to school. {I'm blaming both of those things on shock} As I dropped the girls off I told them someone else would probably pick them up from school, because I thought we'd have the baby that day. So Ella says, "Why do you think that?" And I said, "Because some of the things that happen before you have the baby are happening." And she said, "Oh, because we had the baby shower Saturday?" Um. Yes.

Then I headed to the clinic so my doctor could check me out. They hooked me up to a monitor and watched my ridiculously infrequent contractions, and the plentiful baby movement. Captain America met me there, and then we headed down to the hospital for All the Baby Having. Without contractions it was a little anti-climactic. Since we had two cars at the clinic, I drove one home. When we got to the hospital, I opted out of the wheelchair ride to labor & delivery. The rush wasn't really in it.

Sometime mid-morning they hooked me up to my old friend Pitocin. Only it didn't seem to pack the same punch it did with the other two. By 5 p.m. I started to wonder if she was going to be born by midnight. I was bored with being in labor. I told Captain America to go ahead and order dinner. My THIRD nurse came in. She assured me it wasn't that bad, because she was splitting a shift so really it was only two. She gave that pitocin a final crank, and BAM, we were in business. Shortly after that I called for Round 1 of nubane, because I am deathly afraid of epidurals. The next couple hours is sort of a blur.

It boils down to this: After a while the nubane wore off, and I called for Round 2. There was some discussion about how sometimes Round 2 doesn't work, and should they give me something else? Well, she likes nubane, let's give her more nubane. IT DIDN'T WORK. And it was time to push. Apparently Me + Labor - Nubane {and all drugs for that matter} = Screamer. I'd like to apologize to everyone in the room and in that wing. When it was over I remember thinking maybe I was louder in my head than in real life. Captain America assured me that was not the case. I also noticed my throat hurt from All the Screaming. The only moment I really remember was during the pushing when a nurse said, "Look down at your baby!" and I yelled "NO WAY!" Because I like the miracle of birth to be a pretty miracle. Where a shiny clean baby is placed in my arms and I can pretend she's always been shiny clean. Like on tv.

She was born at 7:44 p.m., weighing 6 lbs. 9 oz. 11 days early. Or more. Or less. Just a tiny peanut. She remained nameless until the next morning when we consulted the Big Sisters. They chose Zoey Elizabeth. She missed Captain America's birthday by 4 hours. Which is best summed up by a balloon some friends brought him at the hospital. It said, "It's my birthday, it's all about me," only it popped on the way in.

So Zoey's here now. And all the labor things I worried about are over and done. I'm enjoying the rewards of snuggling at all hours. And it doesn't hurt that my doctor, also a mother, says things like, "I can't believe you did that. No epidural. No drugs. Girl, you were amazing." It's another notch in my Mommy Martyr belt.

...drumroll please...

Zoey Elizabeth was born Tuesday, Sept. 14 at 7:44 p.m. She was 6 lbs. 9 oz, and 19 1/4" long. Just as she's been from the start, she did it on her own timing and schedule.

I'll be back soon with the obligatory labor story. Right now I'm enjoying putting my feet up while my family roams around the house fixing things and making dinner {shout out for my sister's world famous lasagna} and doing my laundry.

For now just know that we're all so in love with her, that Captain America actually went out and purchased this little outfit on his own accord.

Tick...tick...tick...

I am a walking timebomb. At any moment I could just launch into labor. I could be browsing the aisles at Target and my water could break. At Target. Yuck.

This is why I've always liked being induced. I liked having a date set. I liked to think I wouldn't go into labor before that (and I got lucky). I like to know. I like sleeping the night before, and not being in labor in the middle of the night. I know inducing is really horrible for a lot of women, but mine went well. A little whiff of pitocin, and off I went. Roughly 8 hours with Ella and 5 hours with Natalie. No guarantees, I know, but you can see how that would be attractive.

I like the idea of being at the hospital for the whole thing. All of the contractions. All of the water breaking yuckiness. I like being at the hospital. With nurses and monitors and Nubane. Having to figure out if I'm really in labor or not freaks me out.

This baby is a whole new experience. New doctor, new hospital, new nurses. I've been given no promises of inducing. And all the not knowing makes me wake up at least 3 times a night having dreamed I was in labor. I'm completely paranoid. Did my stomach just twinge? Am I going to start contractions? I feel a little weird - is this it?

So at this point, I would like to just move into the hospital and wait. At the very least, I'd like to stop going places. Just hole up here at home and wait it out. It's completely unrealistic and unnecessary, but it would certainly make me feel better.

Christmas, Christmas time is here!

I feel like it's been kind of a long summer. Today was the first day of school for first graders on up; kindergarten starts tomorrow. A friend of mine very aptly described last night as the equivalent of Christmas Eve. "And tomorrow Santa will come in his big yellow bus and take them away..."

The school principal called last week and said the class sizes in second grade were getting a little too big (24-25), so they were adding one more section. The new section would be in a smaller room, so it would cap out at 15 kids. Would we be supportive of them moving Ella into that class? SURE! 15 kids? That's like private school. Count her in. So Monday night we went to open house to find out who her teacher would be, since they had to hire one quickly last week and didn't know who it would be yet when they called. We talked to the principal again, and Captain America told Ella that her new teacher would be Mr. B. "Mr.? A Boy Teacher? Are you serious...nevermind...I'm just going over there." In the end she's totally cool with it, she was just unfamiliar with the phenomenon of a Boy Teacher. Turns out Mr. B grew up in Wyoming, and as a Cody, WY and Yellowstone lover, that just sets my soul at ease.

We also checked out Natalie's kindergarten room and met her teacher. Natalie was excited to see that her two best friends from last year are in her class again. At first she wasn't too keen on the all day idea, but she's come around since the open house.

So today is the first day of school. The kindergarteners all have one hour meetings with the teachers scheduled throughout the day, but we got to drop Ella off. I went a little early because I knew it'd be tough to park. So I'm looking for a spot and Ella says, "Mom, can't you just drop me off? I know where I'm going." Yes, I know. But we need to bring in your three boxes of snacks. "I can carry them. Can't you just drop me off?" Ella. It's early. You're not even really supposed to be here yet. And I'd like to get a couple of pictures of you on the first day. "Oh. You should say 'first day of second grade' because 'first day' makes me think it's my first day of school ever. Like preschool." Yes. Well. Fine.

{shout out to the lovely people at Caribou who were at school handing out coffees to the moms and dads}

We dropped off the snacks and left Ella, who gave me the afterthought "bye, Mom!" over her shoulder as she caught up with friends. Then Natalie and I came home. Natalie: "I'm going to play with whatever I want! I'm going to the playroom! WITHOUT ELLA!"

Clearly, we are all terribly brokenhearted that the end of summer has come. At that point, I realized I didn't even shed a tear this morning when I dropped Ella off. I think because this is the first year it isn't really new. When I dropped her off at kindergarten, it was kindergarten. First grade was a new school in a new town. Now she's already got peeps. And I've got my eye on a little peace and quiet. You know, til the baby comes in a few weeks. Merry Christmas, indeed...