I need a road map

Do you ever have those moments where you wonder, "how on earth did I end up here?"

Last night I asked Ella if she'd remembered to wash her hands because I didn't remember hearing the water run. "Yes, I washed them quickly and quietly." "Really?" "Yes." So I used my cracker-jack investigative skills, and saw the sink was dry and so was the towel. "I don't think you washed your hands. The water didn't run." Yeah, busted.

Up until now, we'd really just been working on it from the When a Joke Isn't a Joke It's a Lie standpoint. This was both a blatant lie AND it had a story. Flawlessly given except that I was so positive I hadn't heard the water run. She didn't even crack a smile.

Every once and a while in these parenting moments I have a tiny panic -- what now?? What is the proper response?? I mean, saying you washed your hands when you didn't isn't exactly earth shattering, but it flash it forward a dozen years and it's, "Where were you?" "I was at Susie's house (only no one is named Susie anymore, it's much more complicated)." Really?? Is that where you were??

And this is why I would like to keep her 4 forever, because I want all the lies/omissions/halftruths/mistruths/misrepresentations/fabrications to be about things like handwashing.

I don't understand.

It's April 25. I took these pictures 10 minutes ago. I don't know what to say.
My poor, confused Tulips.

Guess again

So you know those days when you think you're sort of getting it together? I was having one of those.

It's chilly, but I sent the girls in the backyard to run obstacle courses of their own making and to draw with sidewalk chalk. They were thrilled that I suggested it, instead of having to beg and beg. Off they went. They ran around, made some drawings. I kept an eye on them and got a couple of things done. Then I braced myself -- it was time to come in. This is why they beg me to go outside, because I have to beg them to come in. It's a fight. There are tears. Sometimes for all. "Ok girls, go run around the back tree and then come in." They did. No arguing. Tears of joy.

It was a little windy as well, so I thought it'd be best to give them a quick brush before they laid down on the snarls. As I'm brushing Natalie's hair, I come to a major snarl. What on earth??? I take the section of hair to examine it -- DOH!!! Bird. Poop. GROSS.

So my tidy little playtime followed by my quick and easy lunchtime was scrapped for bath time. With a double washing.

On a side note: Sweet potatoes are my new favorite. Butter (well, Brummel & Brown), brown sugar (ok fine, it's brown sugar substitute), cinnamon and a little ground ginger. Thank you, Kayla, for making me get one at Whiskey Creek, and then telling me it'd be easy to make them at home.

10 Deep Dark Secrets

I got tagged! It's my first tag! Courtesy of my friend Aimee over at Libbyland. So apparently I know must share with you 10 Deep Dark Secrets about little old me. I'm sure my 5 readers will know most of them.

1. I used to play sports. Softball, track, volleyball. Long, long ago. I also used to downhill ski and bike. Really very long ago.
2. I don't like heights. My stomach flip flops when other people go near an edge. I wasn't bothered by them growing up, when I had my immortality. Now it's a problem.
3. My ears used to be pierced 10 times, 6 on one side 4 on the other.
4. I was on the speech team in high school. One year I was in poetry, and did really awful feminist poems (not that all feminist poetry is awful, but these were). I sort of relished when one of the guys from our team was in the same round as me, because I'd stare right at him with the evil eye and watch him try to crawl under his chair. I'm sorry David.
5. I thought Brennan enunciated too clearly when I met him, and therefore couldn't imagine dating him. Until the next day.
6. I have always had a love for shoes. In high school I once counted and had 75 prs.
7. I never wanted to live in my hometown again, and now I do -- and I even like it.
8. I want to learn to play guitar.
9. I went to a Concordia Language Village camp in high school for a month to learn French. (GEEK!)
10. I have three tattoos, so far...

Ok, I will tag Beef Trifle, At least we know, Jersey's Musings, Schneid Remarks and Wiethoff Family Journal. Let's dish.

Adventures in Parenting

A post over at Antique Mommy got me thinking about some of the now funny adventures we've had in learning to become parents (if you have time, read Antique Mommy's too, it's hilarious).

When we were about the leave the hospital with Ella, the nurses made us give her a bath first. It seemed like the hardest possible way to do it (we had to stick her in a small tub, not one of the handy baby bath tubs). In any case, the poor girl looked like she was freezing by the time we were done, so Brennan picks her up and holds her close to warm her up as he moves her over to the towel. At which point, Ella poops right down the front of his shirt. Of course he didn't have a change of clothes, but I had stolen one of his shirts to wear to the hospital, so he was able to wear that. We knew our place after that.

Then when Ella was a few months old, she started crying over her bedtime bottle. Just screaming. Howling. This went on for about an hour. She would chow down on her bottle for 2 seconds, and then spit it out. We could not figure it out for the life of us. Then we noticed the bottle was just as full as when we started. Turned out the hole in the nipple wasn't totally cut, so she wasn't getting anything. Brennan says, and he's probably right, that had a representative from Playtex been in the room, I would have killed him or her with my bare hands.

She must have been quite a bit older one day at the Pizza Ranch for lunch, when I noticed something clear and goopy had fallen out of her diaper. The silica gel (or whatever it is) in diapers that does all the absorbing was falling out. That's when I discovered the entire package of Huggies I had purchased had slits in the back of them. The package hadn't been damaged, so it happened before they made it in the plastic. That pretty much rendered the entire package useless. Although I was able to return it to Target, and then Huggies sent me some coupons.

I will now admit my most humiliating. When Ella started eating, I was hyper sensitive to choking hazards. It really freaked me out. So, yes, I did break her first cheerios in half. THERE. I said it.

I'm not going to say I've made no mistakes with Natalie, or had nothing humorous, but none are as notable as those first time parent things. Anybody else have something good?

~~~~~~~~~

So this weekend I beat Brennan in Scrabble. He actually went off to sulk a bit. Ella goes to comfort him. "Dad, sometimes I don't win games either. So I go in my room, and sit on my bed...and I think of a tricky game to play that I can win!"

The Sixth Sense

People talk about a mother's sixth sense, or mother's intuition. Or your mother having eyes in the back of her head. I think I've experienced this to a degree. I can hear one small sound come from a bedroom, and know they're doing something they're not supposed to be doing. I think it's the child's sixth sense that has been ignored.

How do my children who have been playing quietly in their rooms know that I'm now on the phone, and it would be a great time to run out screaming? How do they know that I have just applied the 5 minute leave-in conditioner, and now would be a great time to try and kill each other? Or perhaps, when I have shaved half of one leg? And I'm in the shower, so I can hear just enough noise to worry me, but not enough to figure out what's going on?

Somewhat along these lines is my worry of what is probably to come. This week we were in a public place, and a good 10 feet away from someone who must have been a very heavy smoker. I was just holding my breath waiting for Natalie to say, "Mom, what's that 'mell?" Particularly because that public place was the quiet library, and the girls were having some trouble keeping quiet to begin with. I was just waiting for her little voice to carry over the whole place. We made it out, but it's only a matter of time. Ella seems to notice more when people are different, and I've managed to stifle a few "MOM! Where's her other leg?" enough to explain about the situation, and why we don't yell it.

Anyone have any embarrassing moments to share? Or close calls?

Amoxicillin for all!

Ella started the trend at our house. After a couple of sleepless nights due to gunk, I took her in. Amoxicillin it is! Chewable. And the failed codeine laden cough syrup which I already wrote about. In a few days, she was back to full 4 yr old force. By Monday, Natalie had the gunk. So much coughing. I don't know how she could even breathe. And this is where I love a small town clinic -- called the NP, and they called in a prescription for Natalie. Must be bubblegum flavored liquid. In any case, I have no problems getting either of them to take their medicine. They can't wait. "Can I have my medicine? Do you have medicine for me?"

So I call yesterday. I have gunk. I get my prescription called in. I get nasty tasting horse pills. No candy coating. No flavored chewables. No bubblegums or cherries. It's so nasty, and the taste just lingers. I'm really hoping to feel as good as Ella did, as quickly. Then it will feel worth it.

Turns out my drug of choice is not

Yesterday I took Ella to the doctor. Lingering cough, up all night -- Mommies, you know the drill. All I wanted for her was some cough syrup with codeine. I GOT IT! After a torturous Target Pharmacy escapade, filled with random shades of nail polish and crayons shaped like Dora, we were back home nearing the end of the naptime. So last night, I gave Ella the medicine. After an hour or so, she seemed to quiet down and sleep. 4 a.m. she was up again, coughing like crazy, so I gave her more (well past the required 6 hours). 5:45 she's up, yet again, "I'm not tired Daddy. Can I get up?" He sends her back to bed for 20 minutes or so, and then lets her get up.

6:45, Natalie wakes up. Ella bursts into her room and turns the light on. "NATAWIE!! NATAWIE!! LOOK WHO'S UP BEFORE YOU!! IT'S ME!! I'M UP BEFORE YOU NATAWIE!! BAH!!!! {followed by hysterical and awkward social laughter}. I'm afraid Natalie was not impressed. Neither was I. The codeine is supposed to make my child sleepy. So we can ALL sleep. Even now at almost 9, Ella is racing about the house like a wild woman. Even the cat is hiding, and I need to find her so I can shove her in the basement while they replace one of our doors.

No more codeine.

Blogs, it's a place for people to write things and pretend someone is reading

Ok, so for some reason today and throughout my life I keep remembering lines from the 1990 movie Crazy People. It starred Dudley Moore & Darryl Hannah. He's in advertising, and has sort of a breakdown and starts doing campaigns with truth. Winds up in a looney bin and they all do advertising together. It's just hilarious. I had to share some of the lines from it. It was on my mind today when I thought a good slogan for a hospital I'm working on a form for would be, "Hospitals ... we're pokey." It speaks to both the pain, and slowness.

Anyway, I actually had to watch part of this movie in my Media Theory class in college (see Kayla, I do remember something!). I think one of the funniest parts was when Dudley Moore's character says, "Let's level with America!" and the people he works for say, "We can't level with America! We're in advertising!"

Here are some slogans from the movie:
-Come to New York, there were fewer murders than last year.
-Come to New York, it's not as dirty as you think
-United, most of our passengers get there alive.
-Volvos, they're boxy, but they're good.
-Forget France. The French can be annoying. Come to Greece, we're nicer.
-...and if we fold, you'll have no phones. AT&T: we're tired of your crap.

I often thought of it while working at the newspaper too. Like how the Real Estate ads always claim a house is "cozy." Yeah, just say it's small. Although I saw the best Real Estate ad in the classifieds this week. No joke -- "We're tired of the lake." They were selling a trailer or something on Battle Lake.

In any case, I just had to share those. Feel free to comment if you've seen or heard an advertising line that just cracks you up, I think we could all use a laugh today.

Another non-post

I'll get back to actual posts soon, but if you could take a minute and say a prayer for Shawna's friend Lora and her family, it would be much appreciated. I can't imagine what my life at UMD would have been without Shawna, and her friend Lora's story hits me so hard.