Hardest apologies

I've decided the hardest apologies I will ever make, are to my children. Not because I'm above an apology. But because those girls the ones it hurts me so badly to know I may have hurt. An adult is one thing -- they're often able to recognize your intentions. Or know you don't mean anything by it. Little girls don't necessarily see any of that.

This morning when getting ready for school, Ella was a little pokey. A little whiney. A little "But Moooooooooom....I don't want to go to school..." Then at 7:55 (school STARTS at 8), she says she wants pigtails so she won't be tempted to suck on her hair. FINE. So I put in some pigtails. Kind of thrilled, because she never wants me to do her hair. Then she looks in the mirror. "These look silly, I want them out." Oh no you don't, Missy. I tried to convince her to leave them in but she started crying, and I could very nearly hear the bell getting ready to ring at the school. "FINE. Take them out. And then you'd better PUT. ON. YOUR. JACKET. NOWWWWWW!!!" More crying. Naturally. I would have cried too if I'd been snipped at like that.

In any case, we got to school. And I spent the rest of the day ready for her to come home so I could say I was sorry. It ate at me. The idea that I'd hurt her feelings, or even made her a little scared? I honestly don't have words for that one.

So it was one of the hardest apologies I've had to do. As much as these girls can drive me nuts, I love them like crazy. She took it in stride. Told me how she felt. Said she forgave me. Then proceeded to put on her best 5-year-old version of teenage angst. Luckily it only lasted about 20 minutes.

And now I'll go back to the throne, begging for patience. Perspective. Wisdom. Extra love and compassion. And I will be thankful. For the opportunity to raise these girls. And so very grateful, that my father in heaven is a better parent than I. Than any human can be.